JERKS WITH GLASSES AND QUESTIONS: The Scenics

What, we dragged out DANTON for nothing?

The Scenics Three, of CT Scenic (arguably the most bespectacled “scene” blog of all time) were put through our intense questioning process. Only two survived. We present the answers of Jackie and Katie Scenic. Does DH even exist? Or did one of our hard-hitting questions hit too close to home?

From left: Jackie Scenic, DH Scenic (whereabouts unknown), and Katie Scenic.

1) There are three of you. There are three of us (if you count Eric Danton, which we do, because he pretty much has to do what we say). As you may know from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, every classic trio has brains, looks and a wild card. For us, it’s Eric: Looks, Meghan: Brains, and Abby: Wild Card. How about you guys?

Katie Scenic: Katie: Looks; Jackie: Brains; DH: Wild Card.

Jackie Scenic: I’m pretty sure Katie Scenic is the looks AND the brains. She pretty much runs the show, and wears a lot of slutty clothing. DH and Jackie are both wild cards, as you never know if, when or what we will write about. We are generally completely off-topic and rambling most of the time, but of course still hilarious.

2) So, we’ve started an underground campaign to get MaryEllen Fillo (of the Hartford Courant) to sign off every Java column with “YOU GOT FILLO’D!” Now it’s your turn: hit us with your best catchphrase.

KS: Other than “We totally live here” – which is amazing. Well, interestingly enough, we said we “Scenic’d” that metal band with the beer cooler, but we’ll consider your proposal to be sampling or homage, rather than ripping off. I’m also really proud of “What’s Hot at the Lot” (our feature about great finds at Ocean State Job Lot) and “What Not To Hear” (reserved for bands that stir up passionate, visceral disgust, not just simple dislike).

JS: We totally know him!

3) We tend to use our glasses to enhance our eyeball soreness while reading books, or to help us properly pair our socks after Friday Night Laundry Time. So we’re not really inclined to think that glasses and partying go together very well. How do you guys manage it? No, seriously.

KS: One time I fell off a horse and broke my glasses, so I feel like horseback riding and glasses don’t go very well together. Whereas partying hasn’t really been a problem. In fact, I’ve been told by strangers that my glasses make me like “smart.” Cuz you know how us sexy girls want to feel smart…

JS: Usually things go pretty smoothly, unless there is a swimming pool around.

4) Aside from Danton, who is obviously stylish in every situation, we struggle to look good. Sometimes this is due to the fact that we only think about laundry at night when it’s – you know – dark and harder to see. Part of this is that 2/3 of us lack ladyskills. We don’t know how to dress body parts other than our faces. We’ve even looked to primers for guidance. YOU GUYS ARE HOT. HELP US!

KS: You may have read about it on the blog… I had a surgery that forced me to go on a liquid diet for over a month, during which time I lost a bunch of weight. Suddenly I wanted to show off my anorexic body. I learned that having short legs is no obstacle to looking hot – you just have wear outrageously short skirts. And tall shoes. I buy all my most fashion-y things at Avon rich people boutique Body Talk at their great end of season sales. As I understand it, DH buys his most fashion-y things in a place called “New York City,” which he may tell you more about. Jackie Scenic has gotten some very choice pieces from “my laundry basket.” (the clean one).

JS: I personally strive for lesbian-chic at all times (I think the other two do as well). This gives you a wider selection of clothing to choose from, as you can shop in the men’s, women’s or even little boys’ department. With all this variety it doesn’t always come together, but that’s what the glasses are for.

5) Our amazing investigative reporting skills have revealed that one of you might be a glasses impostor. We’re going to need you guys to talk about fake glasses for us.

KS: My glasses are 100% real.

JS: They’re real, and they’re fantastic.

JWG: HMMM. I wonder why DH didn’t answer our questions…

EXTRA CREDIT: If you were going to have an event for your blog, when and where would it be, and can we come?

We are so pleased to announce that we are celebrating our First Blogaversary Aug. 7 at Monster Lab Recording Studio in New Britain. We are trying to keep our entertainment and refreshments CT Scenic oriented, so we’ve booked bands that we’ve blogged about – Sidewalk Dave and the Midnightmares, and we will be serving donuts from some of our favorite indie donut joints, and drinks made with mixers from Ocean State Job Lot and booze purchased from our blog’s favorite liquor store, Liquor Depot. This sounds like an event we’d like to attend, but we probably won’t enjoy it very much due to running it and financing it. But we hope to see you there!

If money were no object, we’d like to have been able to book some professional karaoke and serve GLBT (bacon, lettuce & tomato + gouda/guacamole, if you haven’t seen it on the blog yet) sandwiches for everyone, but we don’t have that kind of budget. [RSVP on Facebook]

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~ by jerkswithglasses on August 5, 2010.

One Response to “JERKS WITH GLASSES AND QUESTIONS: The Scenics”

  1. DH answers:
    1)It seems to me that this question is designed to create strife within the ranks of CT Scenic, as each Scenic believes they are all things simultaneously. Any indications to the contrary, and well, you know…. However, in the spirit of fearlessness I will play your game. Katie: Brains, Jackie: Looks, DH: Wild Card.
    2) Personally I like “What’s hot at the lot”, but it doesn’t really pack the punch of FILO’D.
    3) Glasses are awesome for parties and nights out. Rock those glasses. All my heroes rock ’em: Elvis Costello, Graham Parker, Sarah Palin.
    4) I can’t speak for the ladies, but I gained my style chops through an intense workout with some rockstar friends who took me on tour to England. They were good tutors, the single reached the top 10 and we appeared on UK TV about 4-5 times.
    5) OK, I admit, I only wear glasses because I have better than perfect vision and need to bring myself back to normal. It’s like that short story we read in 7th grade…know that one I’m talking about? The narrator wears hearing aids that actually distract him every minute or so because his concentration is above the norm….ummm, nevermind. Anyway, as stated above all the icons have glasses. Big sexy glasses. I’m actually on the lookout for these awesome square glasses from the 60’s. One of the Marionettes in “Thunderbirds are Go” wears them.

    There are dangers, however, to revealing the fake glasses. Another tour in France (honestly, I don’t go that often) and I blew my shot at the very cute German publicist by declaring my glasses to be fake. She later hooked up with the label head (a Frenchy). However, he was obsessed with the artist I was on tour with, so as soon as he finihed the act, he told our publicist that he only slept with her to make our bandleader jealous. Needless to say, our CD didn’t get much publicity in Europe.

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