When the Lenses are Clackin’, You Know that They’re Mackin’

Once you announce your espousal of spectacles to the world, you tend to be bombarded with a lot of naysayers. People try – often even before properly greeting you – to convince you of the drawbacks of such a lifestyle.

“What about sudden shifts in temperature or humidity?” they ask.

“What about martial arts tournament participation?”

And then, the go-to, knock-down, drag-out objection: “What about when you’re knockin’ boots?”

Well, we here at JWG have given this challenge a lot of thought. We’ve searched our vast souls. We’ve discussed it with our Board.

As best we can tell, what you think the problem is here is the awkward clack and subsequent shift of two pairs of glasses, the resulting eyeball smudges, the percussive knocking of lenses, and the danger of collateral lens scratching.

Here’s what we think:

  1. The awkward clack-and-shift: This is a fundamental part of modern love. Ever heard of Picasso? JWG copulate like cubists, y’all!
  2. Eyeball smudges: These, friends, are the indices of love. It’s like wearing a lover’s shirt to bed, or turning your face into a rumpled pillow, or taking inventory of your body in the shower after. Eyeball smudges are sexy like tousled hair.
  3. Percussive knocking: Slow Jams? Who needs them? Of course we don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind, but then, we like this band, so it’s perhaps not surprising that we favor percussive knocking in our love making.
  4. Collateral scratches: They’re like notches in the bed posts of nerds – I mean jerks – the world over.

But really, guys, what it comes down to is that we reject a world that encourages its myopic members to have sexual relations with indistinct, fuzzy blotches, rather than with fully individuated beings.

We are about sexual respect.  DO IT WITH YOUR GLASSES ON.

For more of our thoughts on love or – ahem – more of us humiliating ourselves in public, stop by Real Art Ways on Saturday night for WINCE.  This time it’s about your tales of embarrassment, agony, or nerdish victory in love.  Photos, videos, ballads, slow jams, the valentines you make for Billy Jankowicz who reneged on his promise to go with you to the junior prom, Dear John letters, love poems, journal entries…We want to experience it with you.  And if that’s not love…


~ by likebadlovesongs on February 11, 2010.

2 Responses to “When the Lenses are Clackin’, You Know that They’re Mackin’”

  1. Best. Title. EVER.

    DO IT WITH YOUR GLASSES ON is truly a motto for our times.

    • Well, the title is all Abby’s. I laughed at myself a lot last night as I was writing this IN PUBLIC. But I laughed loudest when Abby sent me a text with the title in it.

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