Jerks with Book Deals

Note: Here’s our first unsolicited submission.  I can personally vouch for Libby’s occasional glasses wearing, and her pretty much constant jerkiness. She keeps a blog about how much better she is than you because she cleans the chicken crap off of her own eggs, collected in whatever the fuck she has on hand. – Abby (co-editor, jerk)

I am an ex-officio board member here at JWG. The Jerks With Glasses won’t give me voting rights because technically, I don’t wear glasses. I have a pair. I wear them sometimes, like when I’m driving on the highway at night or when I’m going to see a movie and think I’m going to sit near the back of the theater. Most of the time though, I keep my jerkiness well-concealed behind a pair of sparkly green, non-bespectacled peepers.

I’m also maybe not your garden variety jerk. Yes, I judge people by their license plates. I glare at people who talk in the movies. I’ve been known to make loud comments about poor service at restaurants. What sets me apart from the rest of these Jerks is that I am an urban homesteader. That’s right—I raise chickens, milk goats once a week and make cheese out of it, and grow my own vegetables. Suck it. My crunchy lifestyle is what led me to this gem, the newest hit author in the current gold rush of hastily published DIY green lifestyle books. Look at this jerk.

She has one designer coat for picking the eggs, and one for posing with them.

She has one designer coat for picking the eggs, and one for posing with them.

Her hipster horn-rims just scream, “Hey look, I’m a NY intellectual jerk with glasses who decided it would be make me look hip to raise chickens and can dilly beans. But even down here on the farm, I still dress in designer clothes and wear my FANCY ASS GLASSES. Not only that, but because of these vintage glasses that accentuate my slightly flared nostrils and frost-nipped cheeks, I got a book deal! Two, in fact! And you didn’t, because you don’t have nice glasses, or even a nice basket to put all of your eggs in.” Jerk.

Further reading:
That Jerk is named Ashley English. The picture came from this.
“$300 a Night? Yes, But Haying’s Free” — NY Times (Libby’s comment: “Barf.”)

Advertisements

~ by jerkswithglasses on August 26, 2009.

2 Responses to “Jerks with Book Deals”

  1. man, why does everybody have to be so harsh on my aunt?

    • You could use your executive privilege to defend her. You know, if you felt like not being a jerk.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: